New Year’s Resolutions

16 January 2009

I read an article the other day about new year’s resolutions, and how people don’t keep them. Turns out that one of the keys to actually changing something about yourself is to put it all out in the open, to let people know the things that you want to do. That way, the public shame of failure, and of being a hypocrite in somebody else’s eyes, is a pretty powerful motivator. In keeping with that, I’m going to throw up a few things that I’d like to do in 2009. I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, in fact I think they’re a bit silly, but then I thought, hey, why not? There’s a few things I’d like to get together, a few changes of habit I’d like to get in to. So, at the risk of oversharing, here area few of my new year’s resolutions:

1. Pray/meditate more. This, for me, will probably be one of the most difficult to do, because it is not even an action to take, a thing to do, but rather finding the committment to not-do on a regular basis. I have trouble setting aside time for myself to simply be, to focus on the light of a candle or the breathe in my chest, and to become receptive; I’d often prefer to read about religion, to learn about God, rather than experience God. I have trouble being comfortable with this, with opening myself up, but I’m beginning to believe that it may not be that it isn’t there, but that I’m just not listening hard enough. I need to do this at least twice a week, to form a habit; I’d also love to do a weekend retreat at Mepkin Abbey in Monck’s Corner sometime soon, to evade distractions and center myself for the coming year.  

2. Get healthy. The perennial favorite of new year’s resoluters everywhere, the lose weight-get buff-to pick up more chicks/dudes vow that comes around every January. I don’t really feel like I need to lose weight, I’m just not as healthy as I should be. Since my freshman year of college, I exercised fairly regularly, until my senior year. Then my senior thesis and various issues completely derailed my schedule, and by the fall after graduation I realized that I was horribly out of shape. Happily, I’m already turning this around. My new roommate is a workout fiend, so we’ve been running together around the penninsula. Plus, she’s a girl, and I can’t let a girl be in better shape than me, right? 

3. Talk to my father. I don’ t really speak with my dad, no one of my family is very close to him. He, quite frankly, wasn’t around much growing up, and had a substance abuse problem with alcohol that he would (and still has not, to my knowledge) admitted. I’ve never hated him, except for a few moments of irrational pain, but I saw it as a chapter in my life that had closed. I realize more and more that it probably isn’t, and I’ve begun dealing, in some very real ways, with the impact of his absence on my attitudes and on my life. (I told you to watch out for overshare!) I think that I forgave him some time ago in my heart, but I don’t know if it’s real until I tell him that, and why I felt that I needed to do so. I missed him for so long growing up, but never realized it until now, when I don’t miss him much at all, but feel the need to set things right. He’s getting old, and I’m 23. 

4. Write more. I’ve never had trouble writing, at least when the topic at hand is some form of analysis or critique or some hopefully pithy comment on someone else’s words. Putting my own words on a page, electronic or paper, has always been more difficult. I’m usually only write when compelled by pain, or by wonder, or by the need to get the words out and force them into someone’s skull by sheer velocity of phrasing. That has it’s place, but is not conducive, to put it midly, to any sort of regular composition. Trying to puzzle out how to channel that overflowing fountain into some sort of useful flow, or how to prime the pump when it seems dry, will be diffucult but rewarding. I think. 

I think that’s about enough. I could go on, but those are some of the ones that I’m really serious about. Plenty of room left for neuroses and complexes and confusions, no doubt. 2009 is going to be a good one, full of change and possibility, I can feel it. And if it turns out not to be, just remind me of this blog post, and tell me to go write something.


2 Responses to “New Year’s Resolutions”

  1. Becca Says:

    I woke up one day in the middle of senior year of high school and all my faith in God was gone. Just like that. Nothing remarkable. I’ve been struggling with it for years. I’m not here to say that you’ve restored that for me, but your comment that “it may not be that it just isn’t there, but that [you’re] just not listening hard enough” just struck a chord with me. Thank you for sharing that part of yourself, and good luck with your spiritual time. I think I might have to steal your resolution now.

  2. Tee Says:

    Well…it’s December. 2009 is nearly gone. I hope that no one need tell you to go write something. As for me, it’s been a spectacular year. Crazy highs, lows below low, but I’m here, typing a comment on the blog of a friend I watched grow up; in this very moment, nothing else matters. Indeed, in this moment, nothing else exists.

    Namaste’, Daniel…I’m proud to know you.

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